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SYNOPSIS
(EXTENDED VERSION)

Back to: Part 8


Part 9
A Winter For Two

Central protagonists: Andrew, Pablo

When Andrew opens his eyes the next morning, he cannot believe that he is not dreaming. After months of waking up at dawn in clinical depression, now he wakes up at his usual time, about nine a.m., and he feels sane. He thinks it is impossible, but he can't help the reality — he senses that the unrelenting grip of his depression is gone. He feels like he is again his normal self. For the first time in months, a smile appears on his face as he sees the sunlight filtering through the window. For the first time in months, he feels cramps in his stomach and appetite when he thinks about having a breakfast. For the first time in months, he feels that his heart is full of love for Pablo. For the first time in months, he feels the longing to live.

Savoring every bit of his breakfast, Andrew understands he has regained the ability to experience pleasure, the one he believed was permanently lost to depression, and his experience with food is just the beginning. As the day goes by, he rediscovers life with all its simple pleasures, and, most importantly to him now, he realizes that he is again able to wholeheartedly pray. He renders a fervent prayer of gratitude to God. He does not know whether his improvement is the delayed therapeutic effect of antidepressant drugs or God has finally granted him His mercy — his convalescence in and of itself is an immense happiness. He is careful to not make quick conclusions though. Much as he wants to immediately contact Pablo and tell him the good news, he restrains himself. Unsure of the stability of his mental improvement, he determines to wait and watch for three days before telling his beloved if he is actually getting better. Meanwhile, he understands that now, if the mountain of his illness hopefully collapses, he is just a few weeks away from moving to Spain, from seeing Pablo and reuniting with him, and from making his better future finally happen.

The next day, he is happy to feel that his improvement progresses. Remembering to continue taking antidepressant medications, he puts his pack of suicide pills into trash and starts making preparations for moving to Spain. He calls the head of his unit at the hospital and informs him that he will never come back again, even in order to sign dismissal papers. He finds new tenants for his apartment and arranges that the monthly rent be transferred not to him, but to the diseased elderly father of the resident who Andrew used to know and who committed suicide a few months before as a result of homophobic bullying. He meets one of the patients who was attended by another physician in his clinic and who Andrew knows to have become a victim of malpractice. Andrew reveals to him that his cancer was not completely removed and encourages him to have a salvage surgery elsewhere. He orders the translation and notarization of his university diploma. He starts collecting documents to apply for a new Spanish visa and putting together the savings left from his years of work.

On the third day of his sanity, he finally writes an e-mail to Pablo. He discloses the truth about the problem that had weighed him down over the months — the paternity of his daughter now proved to be false. He says that now there's nothing that keeps him in Russia anymore. He says that his dreams and feelings rose strong from the black hole of his disease. He says that his heart is burning with love he longs to give and he is finally ready to relocate to Spain permanently and begin life from scratch together. He says that he is going to come in a couple of weeks, as soon as his new visa is issued. It's December now, and he says that his upcoming winter in Barcelona is going so much different from all previous winters of his life, not only because he is not going to see the snow and blizzards of the northern climate, but mainly because this winter is going to belong to them, two human beings belonging together.

After sending the email he phones his wife and wonders if he may move in to her country house — his newly found tenants are moving in to his apartment soon. Of course, Nathalie agrees, and he does not clarify that he is coming to live with them just for a couple of weeks before leaving Russia for good, asking her for divorce as soon as possible.

Andrew waits for Pablo's response, checking his mailbox obsessively every fifteen minutes, but there's nothing. By the evening when he makes it to his wife's new home through heavy traffic, there is still no reply. Andrew texts him, but Pablo does not text back either. Aware of Pablo's messaging habits, he concludes that he must be at a game or in an off-schedule evening coaching session. As he keeps waiting, he has a straightforward talk with his wife, who is stunned by a sudden change in his mental condition. He shows her the results of his paternity test and asks her to peacefully give him a divorce without displays and delays so that they could remain friends. Nathalie is ashamed of the truth revealed after many years and further stupefied when Andrew informs her about his intention to leave Russia.

As the hours of evening pass by, Andrew becomes increasingly anxious about the silence on Pablo's part. Just in case, he decides to call Pablo's mobile phone, and Pablo does not pick up. Dark thoughts start creeping into his mind, but he shakes them off and distracts himself by surfing the Web for a medical prep school in Barcelona. It's a temporary relief, though. After it is twelve hours since sending his e-mail, he can no longer bear his excruciating dismay. He calls Pablo's mobile and home phone a few times, but no one picks up and gloomy ideas invade his recently regained peace of mind. A couple hours later, he calls Pablo's mother's mobile, and there's no response either. Only after the third attempt to reach her, Don Alberto picks up instead and from him Andrew learns the horrible news.

They are now in a hospital with Pablo, who had a heart attack and collapsed unconscious on the field during the afternoon coaching session. Doctors already told them their son's diagnosis: dilated cardiomyopathy. Andrew knows what it is. A fatal, progressive, debilitating disease, in which the heart muscle thins, the organ grows bigger and increasingly incapable of efficiently pumping the blood. There is no cure and death from heart failure happens within a year or two. Except the chance of receiving the heart transplant from a compatible donor, there is no salvation.

Paralyzed by the ghastly truth, Andrew hangs up. Refusing to believe it, he cannot make sense of what happened. His own miraculous recovery from the hell of mental affliction now seems pointless. His newly resurrected hopes about happily living with Pablo in Spain for the rest of his life again tumble down. He appeals to God for reasons but hears no answers. However, before depression attacks his barely healed mind again, he realizes that now he no longer has time for sorrow. Because their time is now limited. No matter how many days Pablo gets, he determines to make every one of them as happy as they both deserve, living it as if it were the last one.

The next morning, he has a talk with his daughter and explains that he has to leave her and her Mom and move to another country in order to help Pablo, who is terribly sick and who the girl still secretly remembers as Andrew's brother. Of course, he doesn't traumatize the child with the truth about him not being her biological father. Before leaving for Spain two weeks later, he also conceives an enterprise to make one of Pablo's dearest dreams come true. The narrative does not reveal the essence of this idea, instead simply calling it a "good cause".

In late December, his long-nurtured dream comes true — he finally arrives in Barcelona, not as a tourist or a guest but permanently. He moves in to Pablo's house, and it never even occurs to him to think about renting an apartment — he wants to be around Pablo as much as possible; there's enough space, and Pablo's parents welcome him in their home. Now aware of Andrew's career plans, they also hope that he can stay with them as long as possible. They believe that his presence as Pablo's close friend will help their son to cope with the gloom of his empty days. After being diagnosed — Pablo is now banned from any kind of physical activity for life.

On the morning of Andrew's coming, Pablo happens to be alone at home. When Andrew walks in, they hug and weep in each other's arms in the full vulnerability of their joy and pain happening at the same time — they are finally reunited and don't know how many days are left before Pablo's death separates them again. After both calm down, Andrew kisses him for the first time and both men finally submit to long-stifled carnal desire. After they make love in Pablo's bedroom, Andrew suddenly says that he left his passport in the airport and hurriedly leaves. Pablo does not know that him leaving as well as their sex were parts of Andrew's secret plan, the "good cause" serving to make Pablo's dearest dream happen.

The couple spends two next months inseparably. Never again do they find themselves alone to make love, but both are happy with just being by each other's side. While Pablo's parents continue to regard them as best friends, they live their numbered days together to the fullest. Although Pablo is officially retired and his privacy is finally respected, both still wear sunglasses as they spend mornings on the beach and rambling around the city of their dreams during the day. It feels like they're having a honeymoon, and they don't care that no one else knows about who they are to each other. In order to make the best of their time, Andrew puts off his language and medical prep classes until the beginning of March. Just as he promised, they have a dreamlike winter for two.

In March, Andrew's pre-residency education begins as Pablo's health starts to quickly deteriorate. Despite supportive medical therapy, his heart failure progresses, and in April after a syncope at home his parents urgently bring him to a hospital. After two weeks spent there and the implantation of a pacemaker, Pablo's condition somewhat improves, and he comes back home. One day he asks Andrew to drive him to the sea. He takes Andrew to the spot on the beach where they met, and Andrew realizes that it happened exactly six years before. It's an anniversary. One of Pablo's dreams about their relationship comes true: even though they have no gifts, they celebrate the day when their lives changed forever, at the exact place where it happened. As they sit on the beach, Pablo puts down his sunglasses and takes Andrew's hand. He holds it as he mentally says goodbye to the sea. He feels like the next time he has to go the hospital, he may never come back.

This is exactly what happens in May. His heart failure grows to the point where he experiences shortness of breath even after smallest amounts of physical activity like walking up the stairs in the house. Now he starts needing daily sessions of oxygen therapy. He is put on the waiting list for a heart transplant, but a compatible donor is unlikely to be found because of Pablo's rare blood type. Pablo opts to stay in the hospital instead of getting the oxygen machine installed in his home. He doesn't want his parents to see him wither away. He asks Andrew to not visit him every day in the hospital as he fears that this trauma may cause Andrew to develop a depression relapse. Every once in a while, he finds himself wondering if that morning in the church God actually accepted his sacrifice or it is just a story he made up. Anyway, he doesn't regret what he did. He is grateful to be able to see Andrew make first steps towards building a career in his country. In turn, Andrew is in pain as he sees Pablo's progressive decline while his "good cause" is not yet completed and he still has reasons to not tell Pablo about it.

On a sunny, beautiful September day, Pablo's diseased heart stops beating and despite multiple defibrillation attempts he dies. A few minutes before going unconscious, he receives a text from Andrew revealing the "good cause": Andrew congratulates him on becoming a father to a healthy baby girl. It turns out that Pablo's dream of fatherhood has been fulfilled by his beloved one. The complicated enterprise of surrogacy at a private fertility clinic in Barcelona cost Andrew almost all of his lifetime savings, and obtaining a sample of Pablo's semen was the reason why he pushed Pablo to physical intimacy on the day of his arrival. Pablo's parents are stupefied when Andrew tells them about the baby. After having lost Pablo, all three now have her growing life as a consolation.


Next: Epilogue